It's Sunday, and that means it's time for another extract from the strangely compelling story that is the Up Goer God Book, our buddy Dan's translation of the King James Bible into the ten hundred most common words in the English language.
1 And God wished good on the man who made the water car and his sons, and said to them, Be full of babies, and have children, and fill the land.
2 And the fear of you and the great fear of you will be upon every animal of the world, and upon every flying animal of the air, upon all that moves upon the land, and upon all the water animals of the water; into your hand are they given.
3 Every moving thing that lives will be food for you; even as the green tree thing you can eat have I given you all things.
4 But dead bodies with the life there of, which is the blood there of, will you not eat.
5 And for sure your blood of your lives will I need; at the hand of every animal will I need it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I need the life of man.
6 Who so drops man's blood, by man will his blood be dropped: for in the form of God made he man.
7 And you, be you full of babies, and have children; bring forward many in the world, and have children there in.
8 And God spoke to the man who built the water car, and to his sons with him, saying,
9 And I, check it out, I make my promise with you, and with your children after you;
10 And with every living animal that is with you, of the flying animal, of the food animal, and of every angry animal of the land with you; from all that go out of the water car, to every animal of the world.
11 And I will make my promise with you, no more will all bodies be cut off any more by the waters of a lot of water; and no more will there any more be a lot of water to break the world.
12 And God said, This is the sign of the promise which I make between me and you and every living animal that is with you, for as long as you have children:
13 I do set my stick that throws sticks with points in the water smoke in the sky, and it will be for a sign of a promise between me and the world.
14 And it will come to pass, when I bring water smoke in the sky over the land, that the stick that throws sticks with points will be seen in the water smoke in the sky:
15 And I will remember my promise, which is between me and you and every living animal of all bodies; and the waters will no more become a lot of water to kill all bodies.
16 And the stick that throws sticks with points will be in the water smoke in the sky; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the not ending promise between God and every living animal of all bodies that is upon the world.
17 And God said to the man who made the water car, This is the sign of the promise, which I have made between me and all bodies that are upon the world.
18 And the sons of the man who made the water car, that went out of the water car, were "She Him", "Him", and "Jump Hairs": and the middle one who has a name that also means a sort of dead body from a food animal that rolls on the wet ground is the father of "Can an".
19 These are the three sons of the man who built the water car: and of them was all over the whole world.
20 And the man who made the water car began to be an person who makes food by growing things in the ground, and he grew a lot of food that makes a nice drink when it has gone bad:
21 And he drank of the nice drink made of bad food, and was off his face; and he was not wearing clothes within his house made of the same stuff as clothes.
22 And the middle son who had a name like the dead body from a food animal, the father of "Can an", saw the no clothes that were not on his father, and told his two brothers without.
23 And the other sons of the man who made the water car took a bit of clothes, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went back, and covered the no clothes body of their father; and their faces were not forward, and they saw not their father's no clothes.
24 And the man who made the water car woke after his good bad food drink, and knew what his younger son (which was actually his middle son) had done to him.
25 And he said, thrown down be "Can an"; a worker of their worker will he be to his brothers.
26 And he said, Good wishes be the god God of the first son; and "Can an" will be his worker.
27 God will make the other son big, and he will live in the houses made of clothes of the first son; and "Can an" will be his worker.
28 And the no clothes, good bad food drink drinking man who made the water car lived after the lots of water three and a half hundred years.
29 And all the days of him were half of a hundred less than ten hundred years: and he died.
Blaugust Writing Prompts
1) Tell us about a friend of yours that's a lot more talented than you are.
2) What do you think about when you see rainbows?
3) What do you do to relax on weekends?